Tolerate/"TOL" + "uh" + "rayt"/ verb

To allow something that is bad or unpleasant to exist, happen, or be done.

If you haven’t watched the video on our YouTube channel discussing this topic stop what you’re doing and watch it or the following exercise won’t make much sense.

Grab a journal or something you like to take notes on and let’s go!

Begin by writing down things you know or sense you are tolerating. Think about what you are accepting as “It is just the way it is”, or “I am just the way I am”. When we did this the list got a bit overwhelming and we had to remind ourselves this was just an inventory and it didn’t mean we had to tackle everything at once.

If you need a little help, here’s a little prompt list to kickstart some ideas…

Health Finances
Personal Relationships/Family
Personal Environment (your home, your office, your “space”, etc).
Work/Business
Spirituality
Personal Development (self-care, personal growth, habits, etc.)
Equipment/Technology

The 4 Ds

Next, review the list and ask yourself if you can:

Do/Fix It – Be committed to taking care of ‘it’.
Delegate It – Because you are not good at ‘it’ or ‘it’ is not the best use of your time.
Dump It – You can not change the situation; instead, you must accept ‘it’ and move on.
Dedicate Time to It- These are the things on your list that will need more time to tackle and will make a big improvement in the quality of your life.

Start with eliminating everything you can dump.

It will feel so good to release these things you have been emotionally carrying. Then prioritize your Delegate It list and farm them out. The goal is to gain margins to tackle the things you can do something about.

Begin by prioritizing.

Narrow down what you can tackle in the Do/Fix It list which will make the biggest impact and begin there. Don’t feel like you have to tackle everything at once. “Rome wasn’t built in a day” is a saying that has stuck for a reason. The goal is to have a plan so that when you are triggered by what you’ve been tolerating you can say to yourself “I have a plan to tackle it, it’s just not now.” #graceoverguilt is the motto we live by!

Take inspiration from a friend’s experience.

Every day she was irritated when walking down her hallway. In the corner some wallpaper was hanging down and it bugged her. However, it wasn’t anything chronic and she kept muttering she’d get around to it. When she made her list she realized it was dumb to stop tolerating something that bothered her for so long. It was a small project she could fix. It took all of 5 minutes but the impact was huge.

Now comes the harder part and one we often avoid — the things that take more time.

Think about what will make the biggest impact on the quality of your life. When we began this exercise we determined that the biggest irritant was our pantry and it would make the biggest difference when we got it under control. I’m not gonna lie. It was a b.i.g. job — which is why we avoided it for so long. So, we set aside a weekend to work on it and it has made a HUGE difference. You know you’ve tackled the right project when you say afterward “Why did I wait so long?!”

It’s easy to focus on your physical environment but don’t neglect to take a hard look at the things that take an emotional toll. Remember Charlene’s example of her book club? What is something similar you are tolerating?

In her book; Find Your Courage: Unleash Your Full Potential and Live the Life You Really Want, Margie Warrell writes:

“One of my favorite sayings is ‘You get what you tolerate.’ This applies in spades to your relationships. Failing to speak up about something carries the implication that you are OK with it—that you are prepared to continue tolerating it. As a companion saying goes, “Silence means consent.” If you tolerate snide or offensive remarks from your boss or colleague, the remarks will continue. If you tolerate your spouse’s lack of consideration for your feelings, it will continue. If you tolerate the disregard of people who regularly turn up late for meetings or social engagements, they will continue to keep you cooling your heels. If you tolerate your child’s lack of respect, you will continue to get no respect. Each time you tolerate a behavior, you are subtly teaching that person that it is OK to treat you that way.”