Why is it so hard to schedule time to take care of ourselves without feeling guilty?

We feel pressure to do it all — all the time — for everyone. It’s exhausting!

This used to be my story. But that changed when I established something I call Freedom Friday.

For the last two years, I’ve been exercising the discipline of carving out a full day where no problems are confronted, no solutions are searched for. My only goal is to do whatever truly nourishes my soul. If you knew me, you’d understand why this is a discipline. The funny thing is I’ve actually accomplished more in these past two years than in prior years and I’ve seen my capacity expand.

I attribute it to Freedom Friday — my day of rest.

Looking back, I was experiencing a low-grade form of depression without recognizing it. I felt drained and unmotivated. I’d force myself to focus on a project but it felt like I was moving through mud. Things seemed to take more time and energy, yet I accomplished less.

Thankfully, I took stock of my life. I needed to admit I didn’t have it in me to keep pushing all the time. I decided to play “hooky” on a Friday and tell everyone I had a full day of appointments. The appointment was with me. I felt empowered to not explain or justify it. I came back from that day energized and happy.

“Every now and then go away, have a little relaxation, for when you come back to your work your judgment will be surer.”

— Leonardo DaVinci

I realized this would be the key to finishing well as I entered the latter half of my life.

Now before you say to yourself “That’s nice for you Charlene, but I don’t have the luxury of taking my Fridays off.” I say “don’t short change yourself, buttercup.” You can probably at least block out one evening a week for yourself even if you can’t take a whole day. It can be done. Even when I had small children at home, I worked hard to I keep one night a week to give myself some space. I would either trade with a friend or my husband would have a ‘Dad’s night.’ The key is to intentionally plan to do it.

I will admit… at the beginning I wasn’t very good at this whole ‘nurture your soul’ thing. I fell into the trap of planning things I thought I should do. I hadn’t developed the muscles to figure out what would be meaningful and specifically bring me joy. I had to learn to shut off work and train my world to respect my boundaries.

So what does this restful day look like? I meet a friend for lunch or plan an outing with my husband. I read a book or catch up on blogs and podcasts. I sew just for fun. I take long walks around the neighborhood without a big fitness goal in mind. Most times I wander the city streets and practice my favorite sport — urban trekking. I walk to my favorite neighborhood market to buy flowers, look for street art to photograph, or visit my favorite shops and fondle the merchandise. One thing is for sure, I focus on what nurtures me the most. Even in the era of Covid I’ve found some simple shifts that still read as restful and special to my soul.

Still dubious that you could make something like this work for you? Think about it this way. Ask any athlete and they will tell you rest is essential for physical training. Rest is needed for muscles to repair themselves and prevent injury. This is true whether you run marathons, pitch baseballs, or climb rocks. Your muscles require rest. Aren’t you worth the same kind of attention?

And, if you’re still on the fence, here’s a great article on the power of rest from a scientific perspective.

One thing I know for sure is that if you don’t make this a vital and important part of your life, the urgent will always crowd it out.

Schedule your me-time. The world won’t fall apart without you.

And remember…