“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”

— C.S. Lewis

Remember that feeling when you met your best friend?

According to 'The Friendship Report,' which Snapchat commissioned in 2019, that magical moment typically happens around age 21. That's when we're knee-deep in our journey of first loves and first heartbreaks. Most of us were in the thick of college years at 21.

But what happens when you’re not 21 anymore and you’re in a bit of a friend rut? Or maybe you simply want to expand your friend circle with people you have more in common with at the stage of life you’re in?

Hav you ever found yourself meeting an interesting person saying to yourself “I could actually be friends with this person!” but despite vowing to get together soon, it never really builds to anything? Or maybe you actually do manage to set up a coffee date, only to not see each other again for another six months. We feel you.

The truth is that life keeps us busier than ever, and the researchers who dig into these things discovered something fascinating. It's a bit mind-boggling, really. On average, an American spends just about 41 minutes a day socializing. Yes, you read that right - 41 minutes!

But here's where it gets really interesting. According to the wisdom of Jeffrey A. Hall, the communication guru over at the University of Kansas, it takes a whopping 200 hours to turn a stranger into your confidant and close buddy. That's roughly the equivalent of six weeks, folks! I don’t know about you, but I find this pretty discouraging.

This is why when I saw Jillian Quint’s article “Is the 3:6 Rule the Secret to Making Friends as an Adult?” on my news feed, I couldn’t click fast enough.

The 3:6 Rule

Basically, the idea is that when you meet someone you’d like to become friends with, you need to have three meaningful interactions with them over the course of six weeks to cement it from acquaintance to friendship, and at least two of those interactions have to be in person.

The tricky part is figuring out how to meet interesting people in the first place, but once you do you need a strategy for doing the second part - at least two IRL encounters within the six-week window.

This rule made a ton of sense to me, so I’ve been working at getting creative. I began to think of it as planning for a date where I could get to know the other person. It can be a little awkward to just ask someone you just met to hang out, so we’ve been thinking up more natural ways to both meet interesting people and keep seeing them regularly as you build a friendship.

Here are some ideas to get you started:

Join Bumble BFF.

Full disclosure. I have not tried this yet, but Janelle has friends who have and they’ve found new friends with common interests in their new city this way. At this point in my life, I am meeting people who I want to get to know better and find interesting but if I run out of connections I’ll definitely give it a try.

Search for area Facebook Groups to join.

There truly are a massive range of locally-based interest groups on Facebook, and it can be a great starting point to find people you share something in common with. This is truly hit or miss, and will definintely take effort on your part to participate and engage, but if you’re new to a city or looking to expand your circle then this is truly a good option.

Take a class, join a local professional organization, or find an active church, mosque, or synagogue.

Finding common interests is the fastest route to finding new people you resonate with. One thing I know for certain is that people love to help if you ask a question. If you don’t know where to start, join the NextDoor app or something similar. I can guarantee if you ask people to point you in the right direction you’ll get more answers than you bargained for!

Travel with a woman-led travel company (or join one of our K66 Venture Society trips!)

This tip isn’t just a shameless plug for our Venture Society trips. What we’ve learned is the bonds that form when you are in close quarters and adventuring together lead to lasting friendships. It can accelerate the 200 hours in short order!

There are some great women-led tours available. With a bit of research, you’ll find the one that fits you and your budget. We’ve found the Facebook Group: Women Who Travel really helpful so you may want to join for inspiration and ideas.

All of this is well and good but without a plan, you may keep spinning your wheels.

The key is to have something you can invite the person to that doesn’t sound creepy.

If you’d like to learn what is working for Janelle and me, check out this Youtube episode where we break down why we decided to start a Documentary Club. And If this sounds like something you’d like to implement, then read how we started it here.

Remember, just like dating, the first step is finding people with that spark of potential. But that's only half of it! Once you've discovered your friendship gems, don't forget to work your magic with the 3:6 rule. Invest the time, have those meaningful interactions, and voilà, watch those bonds bloom and grow before your eyes.